


Real Again

by castronomicaaal



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Life-Affirming Sex, M/M, Passion, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:15:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22501585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castronomicaaal/pseuds/castronomicaaal
Summary: Peter’s never felt quite like this before. Like…nothingness. As though his life has lost all meaning, all purpose. It’s a terrifying thought and an even more terrifying reality.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peter Parker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 129





	Real Again

Peter’s never felt quite like this before. Like…nothingness. As though his life has lost all meaning, all purpose. It’s a terrifying thought and an even more terrifying reality.

He shivers beneath his blanket, eyes blinking upwards and towards the ceiling.

It’s the third night in a row he’s really struggled to fall to sleep. With all of the nightmares he’s been having plaguing his mind as of late, slumber has become a frivolity of the past.

He still dreams about _him…a_ bout Tony. About everything. And especially about the black void of emptiness that sucked him in and spit him out five years later without any rhyme or reason.

Eventually the deafening silence of the night becomes too unbearable and Peter wipes the tired from his sleepy eyes. He gets out of bed and makes his way out of his room and towards the elevator, intent on watching mindless television until dawn breaks.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is to find someone already in the common room with the television on.

Shoulder length brunette hair from behind greets him and Peter doesn’t need to look twice to know it’s Bucky.

More surprising than that, he decides quickly, is the soft sniffling coming from the man.

Peter doesn’t want to disturb him, he’s very clearly emotional right now, and he turns to tiptoe back down the hall when the floorboard cracks slightly.

Bucky is up and standing in an instant, his knife in hand. He sees Peter and sighs, turning away as he wipes at his left cheek.

“Sorry,” Peter bites his lower lip sheepishly. “I’ll just go.”

Despite saying so, Bucky shakes his head. “Could use the company,” he offers sincerely, sheathing his knife.

Peter nods slowly before turning all the way back around. He sits on the reclining chair about ten feet away from Bucky, giving him some space.

If anyone must know what Peter’s going through right now, he thinks to himself, it’d be Bucky Barnes.

Bucky missed out on five years of life when he’d already missed out on so much more than that. It must be difficult, trying to get your life back into a place of sanity and then being taken away from it yet again, only to come back and have your best friend leave you behind.

Peter shivers at the thought, swiping at a loose bit of brown hair tickling his forehead. Bucky has it _worse_ , he realizes. No wonder he was crying.

“It’s been hard,” Peter speaks up first, voice much louder than the mindless chatter on the TV. He pauses to cough awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. “Nothing feels right anymore. Nothing seems real.”

Bucky contemplates Peter’s words carefully. “Nothing has seemed real in a very long while.”

Peter’s heart aches for the man on the couch. “Sometime’s I‌ feel like,” Peter stops, pauses, wondering if he has the guts to say it out loud. He does. “I feel like I‌ wish I‌ never came back.”

This admission causes Bucky’s head to rise. He turns to look over at Peter slowly, eyeing him cautiously. “I’d like to tell you it gets easier, Peter. That all my years being held captive by Hydra are past me now, that things are better. But they’re not. I don’t think it gets better. I don’t think people like us get to feel real again. Maybe we’re not meant for this world anymore.”

Peter swallows down the lump in his throat, tears pooling in his brown orbs. “Please, Bucky. I‌ want to try.‌ I want to be real again. I‌ want to feel _something_. There has to be more than this – than nothingness.”

To his own surprise, Peter stands and walks over to Bucky. The older male doesn’t seem to mind, just patiently waits for Peter to do whatever it is he needs to do.

Peter kneels before him and ever so slowly rests his hands on both of Bucky’s knees. He closes both eyes and tips his head back, focusing purely on the touch, the friction of bare skin against jean material.

“Peter,” Bucky breathes out slowly, thoughtfully. Peter’s eyes flutter open, tears spilling out. “Yours is the first touch I’ve really been able to feel since Steve left.” For the first time in a long time, Peter spots hope in Bucky’s gaze.

Despite his watery eyes, Peter smiles gingerly. “I feel you, too. God, I need something more. Need you to…touch me. Please, Bucky.”

Bucky doesn’t hesitate, just leans forward and wipes his thumb across Peter’s cheek, wiping away the tears. Peter breathes out deeply, body loosening and muscles relaxing in a way they haven’t for months.

“Do you – Is this okay?” Bucky questions, looking deep into Peter’s eyes. Peter nods easily, hands continuing to cup Bucky’s warm knees.

Slowly, Bucky leans forward, hand cupping Peter’s cheek, and presses a small kiss to the corner of his mouth, almost experimentally. Peter can’t help but moan softly. He turns his head and presses forward, capturing Bucky’s lips completely.

Peter hisses gently into the kiss, his lips searing violently; beautifully. He feels every little touch, every little movement of Bucky’s mouth pressed against his own.

Bucky finds himself fascinated by Peter’s lips. The feel of chapped lips upon chapped lips, the way he breathes through his nose while they kiss and tickles at his beard, there’s so much of Peter that Bucky suddenly has the desire – no – the absolute need to soak up and take in.

Both men want to experience every touch, every single bit of relief the other has to offer

Peter’s stomach flutters deeply as they continue to kiss, setting his heart aflame. Every part of his being feels hot to the touch, he feels so deeply sated in a way he’s never experienced previous to this moment. If he were to ask Bucky, would he say he feels the same?

Is this moment real?

Peter squeezes Bucky’s right knee just to be sure before his hands slowly ascend up his legs and to his thighs. He begins to rub gently, little circular motions with the tips of his thumbs, and Bucky groans deeply into the kiss, settling back onto the couch. He pulls Peter up with him.

Peter settles his knees on either side of Bucky’s thighs, grinding his erection down onto the older male. They continue to kiss, void of any emotion but pure blissfulness. Bucky’s tongue swipes at Peter’s lower lip, begging for entrance. Peter gladly accepts and the kiss deepens.

When air becomes a necessity, and only then, do they pull away from each other. Peter rests his forehead upon Bucky’s, the twosome breathing heavily in rhythm.

Bucky can’t help but admire Peter’s cherry red lips, plump and thoroughly kissed. He looks utterly debauched and it’s sinful really how much the realization turns Bucky on. His cock jerks in his pants and he bites at his lower lip to keep from mumbling any obscenities.

“I need more,” Peter eventually breathes out, puppy dog eyes trained on Bucky. Bucky notices for the first time just how long Peter’s eyelashes are, how they frame his eyes just right. He nods and Peter pulls him in for another kiss.

This one is far more frantic than the last, more demanding, and Bucky pulls momentarily to rid Peter of his shirt. Peter has a lithe but muscular frame, pale vanilla skin that practically seems to glow in the dim television light, and Bucky groans outwardly.

Peter takes the opportunity to pull Bucky’s shirt off as well, exposing his well-defined and sculpted upper body. He can’t help but mewl softly in need, pressing forth to begin peppering kisses along the mans clavicle and neck.

Bucky tips his head backwards, allowing Peter better access, and simply enjoys the ministrations and feeling of Peter’s lip scorching his flesh in the best way possible.

“You feel so good on my skin, Peter.” Bucky confesses easily, eyes fluttering in between being closed and open, depending on the intensity of the kiss or suction placed upon his body.

After a particularly sloppy kiss against his neck, Peter pulls back with a wet pop and presses his lips back to Bucky’s.

They kiss some more, tongues intertwining and lips parting somewhat clumsily. Bucky’s hands extend, reaching forth and begin to play with Peter’s pebbled nipples. Peter moans loudly against Bucky’s mouth, squirming upon his lap at the cool metal touch of his left hand. Their erections rut together between the fabric of their bottoms.

This, in turn, causes Bucky to moan for himself before lifting his hips upwards, meeting Peter’s downward thrusts. They continue the exploration of each other’s mouths while simultaneously gyrating into one another.

Peter’s soft little moans here and there soon turn to wanton pants, sweat dripping from his brow. Bucky is in a similar state, his chest shiny and damp as their bodies move together.

“I can’t take much more of this,” Peter eventually breathes out, pulling back ever so slightly. “I need more. Need you, Bucky. Everywhere.”

Bucky nods understandingly and swallows thickly before helping Peter off his lap. He grabs the young man by his hand, pulling him in the direction of the elevator.

They leave their forgotten shirts behind on the floor.

By the time they make it to Bucky’s room, Peter is practically twitching with need. His stomach is doing summer-salts, hands numb and voice weak. He needs to feel Bucky’s touch again, needs to feel the vibration of his moans against pale flesh.

Bucky opens the door and lets Peter inside. He makes a beeline for the bedroom. Bucky is fast on his heels, openly just as shaky for Peter’s returned touch.

“Pants off,” Bucky tells Peter, to which the boy nods and easily pulls down his sweatpants, boxer briefs included.

Bucky tugs at the zipper of his jeans, undoing the button before he pulls them down as well. He kicks his own boxers off and to the side, exposing himself to the balmy night air.

Peter’s nerves begin to kick in because he’s never quite gone this far before. He feels a plethora of emotions, namely fear, arousal, and a frantic desire that seems to be swallowing him whole.

He wants this, wants Bucky. Peter lies down on the bed, his cock jutting outward proudly.

Bucky follows suit, his own cock aroused, and rests his legs on either side of Peter’s smaller frame. “You look so good like that,” Bucky tells him sincerely. “In my bed, in my sheets, your cock out for me.”

Peter blushes softly, a gentle red hue, and Bucky bends forward to press a kiss to both rosy cheeks. Peter turns his head afterwards, slightly to the left, and catches Bucky’s mouth in another heated kiss.

Bucky pulls away far too soon for Peter’s liking and he whines outwardly. Bucky simply smiles softly, scooting down the bed. He takes Peter’s erection within his metal hand and Peter hisses at both the simple touch and the cold sensation.

Bucky uses his right hand to press Peter’s abdomen back down onto the mattress. He ‘shushes’ him softly, and strokes along his stomach with the warm appendage as tenderly as he can.

Peter relaxes completely into the mattress, closing both eyes as the feeling of Bucky’s metal hand upon his cock begins to take its toll. Bucky spits into the hand, lubricating each pull of the wrist better, and Peter soon begins to come undone.

“I can’t – won’t last much longer.” He admits, turning and biting onto the pillow to stifle a rather loud moan.

Bucky pauses his ministrations long enough to retrieve a small bottle of lube from his side drawer before returning to Peter’s side.

He opens up the bottle, squirting a generous amount onto his fingers. Bucky’s eyes flutter over towards Peter who lies wantonly on the bed, open and exposed; pure as the sunshine on a bright summer’s day. Bucky’s stomach flutters. Bucky hasn’t felt this warm in a very long time.

“This is going to stretch a bit. Are you sure you want to keep going?” Bucky has to know for certain, needs to hear Peter verbalize his consent before they venture further.

Peter nods and swallows sharply. “Yes, Bucky, yes. Please.”

Bucky uses his lubed middle finger to poke at Peter, rimming his cool fingertip around the exposed hole. Peter shivers beneath him, hands clutching the fabric of the bed sheet below his body. His knuckles burn white due to the pressure. He focuses on his breathing, slow and even, as Bucky pushes a finger inside.

It feels different than anything he’s ever experienced before. Peter wriggles his lower half briefly, adjusting to the intrusion, before sighing contently. Most importantly, it makes him _feel_ differently. Alive, perhaps, like he can live in his own skin and not want to shake out of it every other minute.

Bucky focuses on carefully pressing in and out, slowly at first but more deliberately as time passes. When Peter begins mewling, Bucky adds a second and, finally, a third finger.

Peter’s slightly wilted cock springs back to life, his head and body brimming with complete arousal. If it feels this good simply having Bucky’s fingers inside of him, he wonders desperately what it will feel like to take the whole of his cock.

“You’re so beautiful this way,” Bucky drawls lowly, voice thick and laced with passion. “Wanna be inside of you.”

Peter nods rapidly, licking at his lower lip. He reaches downward, cupping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. He pulls carefully and Bucky, understanding the silent message, slips his fingers out of Peter before crawling back on top of him.

The complete skin to skin contact, from head to toe, has Bucky’s head buzzing. The amount of feelings in his being seems nearly implausible – certainly one man cannot feel so many emotions all at once?

Peter begins peppering kisses along Bucky’s jaw, his stubble tickling at his lips though he doesn’t mind in the slightest. A‌ little beard burn seems more than worth it.

Bucky kneels before Peter and strokes his erection languidly, admiring Peter’s form beneath him while he does so, before applying a healthy amount of lube onto his cock. He bends forth, presses one more quick kiss to Peter’s lips, before lining himself up and entering ever so carefully.

Peter’s eyes squint shut, his face scrunching up as he takes time to adjust to the beautiful intrusion. Being this close to Bucky, this intimate and personal, makes Peter think maybe just maybe the world isn’t done with him yet. That he has more to offer, more to do, more to see. More to feel. And that it’s all possible.

He opens both eyes once Bucky bottoms out, blinking up at the man above him. Bucky’s eyes are shining, a beautiful blue hue that pierces through Peter’s entire being and suddenly he knows he’s right. He has to be right because he’s here and alive and Bucky feels it all, too.

Bucky begins to thrust in earnest. He allows every missed emotion, every deceit, every failure, to flow through his being and exit his body with each and every thrust. He’s never felt more alive, honestly, than in this very moment. Peter feels absolutely perfect, like pure ecstasy.

Peter accompanies every thrust with a lift of the hips, meeting Bucky in the middle. His veins feel as though they’re on fire, his heart pumping what feels like a million beats per second. Everything feels so right, so good, so pure.

Bucky hooks an arm around Peter’s leg, deepening his angle, and Peter groans freely, his lust displayed openly upon his splotchy red face. Brown mussed hair colors the frame of his features and for a brief moment Bucky is awestruck, completely captivated by the boy beneath him. He presses forward, engaging Peter in a biting kiss, before pulling back and beginning to stroke Peter’s cock in time with each thrust.

A wave of pleasure akin to no other hits Peter and he comes undone, his orgasm hitting and forcing his toes to curl due to the pressure. He comes in spurts along his chest and stomach, sticky globs of release pooling upon his belly.

Bucky comes moments later, releasing deep inside of Peter. They keep eye contact throughout Bucky’s own orgasm, Peter’s soft hand rubbing soothing circles upon his chest.

Afterwards Bucky lies partially on top of Peter, sated. Both men are breathing heavily, thoroughly gratified.

Peter doesn’t even realize he’s begun to cry until a wet tear drop pools upon his cheek. He smiles through the tears, laughing lazily.

Bucky turns to meet Peter’s gaze, his confusion soon turning to that of understanding. Bucky wipes the tears from his face, laughing for himself.

“I’ve never felt that way before,” Peter admits sheepishly. To his surprise, Bucky nods in agreement.

He runs a hand through his long locks. “Haven’t felt anything like that in…years.”

This sobers Peter greatly and his smile falters, his features turning more serious. “I don’t think you’re right.” Bucky raises a curious brow, waiting for Peter to continue speaking. “About us not being meant for this world anymore. I’m not ready to give up, not after this – this reminder that I can still feel things. With you.”

Bucky hesitates, his heart thrumming. “Peter…”

Peter shakes his head, taking Bucky’s hand within his own. Bucky has to hold in a small gasp, the feelings still there between them and charged full of emotion. He holds onto Peter like a lifeline.

“Try, one more time. Try for me? Okay.”

Bucky finds himself nodding despite himself. How can he say no to that face, to those eyes? That voice? Such a pure heart.

Bucky wants to try, too. He wants to be real again.

Maybe with Peter, things won’t be quite so hard.


End file.
